Life is full of unexpected twists and turns. That's the lesson I've learned over the past extremely eventful week. When you are having a baby, take your expectations and throw them out the window. Nothing can be planned or controlled. Be prepared for the highest of the highs, the lowest of the lows and some of the most terrifying moments of your life. At least that's how baby Jane made her entrance in to this world past weekend.
Baby Jane arrived on Sunday, April 14 in the evening. She came one week
late (I sure was counting those last days!) and one day before she was
to be induced. I was extremely happy that she decided to come on her
own. She came out squalling and angry. Eight pounds one ounce and with
big feet. She has no hope of ever having small feet with her tall mom
and dad. Love at first sight. She met grandparents and nursed. And then two hours later
she was in the NICU having trouble breathing. Scariest moment of my
life. And not something a brand new mother is equipped to deal with two hours after delivery.
Anyway, without going in to too much detail, our sweet little girl was sick. The first two days were terrifying and then she started to get better. The antibiotics started working. Baby Jane is still in the NICU and I have total mixed emotions about it. I can't explain what it's like to have a baby and then have to leave the hospital without your new baby. Driving home with an empty car seat and walking in to her nursery to put away the clothes I was going to bring her home in. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
I have my moments where I am resolutely confident that she is where she needs to be right now. And then I have ugly cry moments where I just want my baby at home, no matter what. I am grateful that she was taken care of so quickly after birth and yet I also feel robbed. Like I've missed out on time that I will never get back. I've been slapped with perspective as they say. Well meaning friends and family will say things like, at least you can get some rest before she comes home. While I know it's true, it still smarts a little because I don't want to rest. I want to wake up every hour and cuddle and comfort a bub. I would forgo sleep indefinitely. And then again, I'm slapped with perspective every time I enter that NICU to feed and hold my full term baby. There are moms and babes in there that will have much longer stays than we will. There are some tiny little things that have much harder battles to fight through than baby Jane. It's a very strange experience.
But on the brighter side, this little girl should get to come home soon. We are hoping by mid next week. She is doing well and eating like a champ. She is a little baby bird when the milk lady is around. At this point she is just finishing up her antibiotics. We cannot wait to bring her home. Cannot wait.
Thanks so much to all the friends and family out there that have sent their prayers and good vibes our way. We know how much this little girl is loved already. And online friends, I'll be mia for a while as I make up for lost time :) Thanks so much for all your well wishes, too.
And I may be biased, but are those not the cutest cheeks you've ever seen?
Welcome to the world baby Jane.
