Sunday, April 7, 2013

Eviction Notice


NOTICE TO VACATE PREMISES

To: Baby Jane

YOU ARE HEREBY NOTIFIED that your tenancy of the premises, my belly, is to be completed on 04/07/2013.  On this day, you are required to surrender possession of the premises back to the Owner of the belly.

The tenant has been asked to vacate the premises for the following reasons:

1- Today is your due date and you have made no honorable effort to make your way in to this world. Zero. Zip. Zilch.  Not even a little twinge.

2- I am unable to sleep due to your size in relation to the dimensions of the residency.

3- Because of your occupancy, I have had to wear the same t-shirt the past five days in a row as it is the only one that fits. (I have washed it... a couple of times anyway)


4- Your presence in my belly makes it too difficult to fit behind my sewing machine.  Also, it's nearly impossible to put on socks, or even pants for that matter.

5- If I have to get up one more time in the middle of the night to pee, I'm going to scream.


6-  Socks no longer has a lap in which to lay.

7- We are just so damn excited to meet you already.  Hurry up!

 Judicial proceedings may be instituted for your eviction if you do not surrender possession of these premises on the date set forth above.

Baby Jane, you have officially been warned.  
(Please, oh please- pretty please with sugar on top)

DATED: 04/07/2013

Liza Jane,
Mom and Owner of said belly.

39 comments:

  1. Hilarius! Hang in there, Baby Jane will come.

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  2. Brilliant!!! Yah, it's time the show got on the road! Looking forward to seeing you and Baby Jane...whenever you can spare a minute. ;)

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  3. Best of luck! Been missing your posts, but this one makes up for it. Awaiting news and pix.

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  4. oh those last weeks/days are the absolute worst! best wishes!

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  5. Haha, you should talk to my mom... I was 3 weeks late and I wasn't so much born as extracted. Hope to see Baby Jane soon!

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    1. Ahhhhh! That's all I can say about that.

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  6. All the best! Funny post. I loved it when I was waddling around the shops 4 days overdue and people would ask "when are you due?". The look on their faces when you told them was priceless!

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  7. Best wishes! Will be thinking of you. Enjoy those precious early days when Baby Jane does arrive.

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  8. Ha! I remember those last days and felt the same way even though K was a few days early. People kept asking me if I was having twins. Wishing you a speedy and wonderful delivery experience! So, so soon...

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  9. I was wondering if she had made an appearance yet...guess not! Hang in there I'm sure she will show up sooner rather than later!

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  10. If you need something stronger than a firm warning, you might want to try a castor oil milkshake. I drank one 4 days after child #2's due date (child #1 was 8 days late before I was induced, so I had a good idea of where things were headed): vanilla ice crean, castor oil, and orange juice (recipe provided by my midwife). Worked like a charm, although it did have a few, uh, side effects. Maybe the threat of castor oil works just as well?? Good luck, Lady!

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    1. I'm not desperate enough for a castor oil milkshake yet... but I'm close! ;)

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  11. DUDE!! This is soooo funny!! If this doesn't make her move I don't know what will!!

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  12. Who knew you were a comedian? Just be patient.

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  13. Get bouncing on a yoga ball. And go on long walks. Those two helped a lot for me. I went into early labor on my due date!

    Hope she comes soon. Those pee breaks get old, quick!

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    1. I've been walking. But I think I'm going to get the yoga ball out today!

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  14. Hilarious! Best of luck and congrats!

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  15. Do something errrr vigourous. Something that shakes that little bubba around a bit. If that fails, I have known a fair few women who had acupuncture to go into labour. It worked for them. Good luck!!!

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  16. Hang in there gorgeous! Now may not be the time to tell you my daughter was five days late... the longest 5 days of my LIFE!! We also had a hideous heatwave, simultaneously. Seriously awful. I spent the entire time in the paddle pool with my eldest son, then a toddler of 18 months of age. I was like a beached whale.
    Don't worry, she will come soon!

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  17. Buy or sew something new to wear, might seem unnecessary, but might be just what you need to get through the last days of pregnancy. Good luck! She'll be here sooooooon!

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  18. Love this post. Like cmarie I thought you'd had her already..the time will come soon

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  19. Hilarious!! But keep in mind, that tshirt may also get use after the moving of the resident.
    My daughter is 6 weeks now, and i'm still wearing that boring maternity jeans eventhough I'm 1 lg from my starting weight. All those nice maternity dresses i wore before, are useless while breastfeeding. .. So be prepeard!
    Goodluck with the last part!!

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  20. Haha!! Too funny!! Good luck! I'm wishing you two all the best!

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  21. Thinking of you guys! Now hurry up and get here, little girl-- we're all anxious to meet you!

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  22. Somewhat off-topic but that is one adorable kitty! Good luck! :)

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  23. Aw, she'll come when she's ready! Due dates are just a rough estimate! I had acupuncture but don't think it really helped... lots of walking is always good. Can't wait to meet her.

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  24. Love the toes peaking out from under the belly! What a great photo!

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  25. I'm 23 weeks pregnant and feel like you! hahaha

    So funny!!

    Bundana
    @ http://www.bundana.blogspot.co.uk

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  26. Oh boy - I feel your pain...although it has been 30 or so years!!! Just remember, she can't stay in there forever!! It will be over soon! GOOD LUCK

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  27. You're hilarious! Good luck with this little tenant.

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  28. Hilarious! Haha - I read it out loud for the entertainment of my darling. You are so much fun. :-) Good luck with everything! I´m sending all the best karma I can dig up your way! :-)

    Hugs

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  29. I hope she's here by now! I understand about nothing fitting--I wore the same shirt several days in a row myself. I hope everything goes great for you!

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  30. Lived in my chicken-yellow yoga pants for the last part of my first pregnancy 3 years ago...and she choose to come 2 weeks after due-date. Never thought of writing her an eviction notice! Found you through burda's page/email since I'm now pregnant again and wanting to get started on some sewing project. Good stuff!

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