NOTICE TO VACATE PREMISES
To: Baby Jane
YOU ARE HEREBY NOTIFIED that your tenancy of the premises, my belly, is to be completed on 04/07/2013. On this day, you are required to surrender possession of the premises back to the Owner of the belly.
The tenant has been asked to vacate the premises for the following reasons:
1- Today is your due date and you have made no honorable effort to make your way in to this world. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Not even a little twinge.
2- I am unable to sleep due to your size in relation to the dimensions of the residency.
3- Because of your occupancy, I have had to wear the same t-shirt the past five days in a row as it is the only one that fits. (I have washed it... a couple of times anyway)
4- Your presence in my belly makes it too difficult to fit behind my sewing machine. Also, it's nearly impossible to put on socks, or even pants for that matter.
5- If I have to get up one more time in the middle of the night to pee, I'm going to scream.
6- Socks no longer has a lap in which to lay.
7- We are just so damn excited to meet you already. Hurry up!
Judicial proceedings may be instituted for your eviction if you do not surrender possession of these premises on the date set forth above.
Baby Jane, you have officially been warned.
(Please, oh please- pretty please with sugar on top)
Mom and Owner of said belly.