Sunday, April 21, 2013

Expecting and the Unexpected

Life is full of unexpected twists and turns. That's the lesson I've learned over the past extremely eventful week. When you are having a baby, take your expectations and throw them out the window. Nothing can be planned or controlled. Be prepared for the highest of the highs, the lowest of the lows and some of the most terrifying moments of your life. At least that's how baby Jane made her entrance in to this world past weekend.


Baby Jane arrived on Sunday, April 14 in the evening.  She came one week late (I sure was counting those last days!) and one day before she was to be induced.  I was extremely happy that she decided to come on her own.  She came out squalling and angry.  Eight pounds one ounce and with big feet.  She has no hope of ever having small feet with her tall mom and dad.   Love at first sight.  She met grandparents and nursed.  And then two hours later she was in the NICU having trouble breathing.  Scariest moment of my life.  And not something a brand new mother is equipped to deal with two hours after delivery.


Anyway, without going in to too much detail, our sweet little girl was sick.  The first two days were terrifying and then she started to get better.  The antibiotics started working.  Baby Jane is still in the NICU and I have total mixed emotions about it.  I can't explain what it's like to have a baby and then have to leave the hospital without your new baby.  Driving home with an empty car seat and walking in to her nursery to put away the clothes I was going to bring her home in.  I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. 

I have my moments where I am resolutely confident that she is where she needs to be right now.  And then I have ugly cry moments where I just want my baby at home, no matter what.  I am grateful that she was taken care of so quickly after birth and yet I also feel robbed.  Like I've missed out on time that I will never get back.  I've been slapped with perspective as they say.  Well meaning friends and family will say things like, at least you can get some rest before she comes home.    While I know it's true, it still smarts a little because I don't want to rest.  I want to wake up every hour and cuddle and comfort a bub.  I would forgo sleep indefinitely.  And then again, I'm slapped with perspective every time I enter that NICU to feed and hold my full term baby.  There are moms and babes in there that will have much longer stays than we will.  There are some tiny little things that have much harder battles to fight through than baby Jane.  It's a very strange experience.


But on the brighter side, this little girl should get to come home soon.  We are hoping by mid next week.  She is doing well and eating like a champ.  She is a little baby bird when the milk lady is around.  At this point she is just finishing up her antibiotics.  We cannot wait to bring her home.  Cannot wait.

Thanks so much to all the friends and family out there that have sent their prayers and good vibes our way.  We know how much this little girl is loved already.  And online friends, I'll be mia for a while as I make up for lost time :) Thanks so much for all your well wishes, too.

And I may be biased, but are those not the cutest cheeks you've ever seen?  

Welcome to the world baby Jane.

89 comments:

  1. Oh how terrifying! Thanks for letting us know how it's going... I'll be thinking of you all and sending good wishes until she is safe and healthy at home!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know from experience how you feel--I did it for a shorter length of time, but it's no less scary or emotional. My thoughts and prayers will be with you, stay strong and even though you don't want to, take this time to rest--you'll have a lifetime of sleepless nights wondering and worrying, caring and loving.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am so sorry for this rough start for you two. She is beautiful! God bless her and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Been waiting to see her sweet face. She is absolutely beautiful! It will be all the more special when she is home with you both next week.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oooh she is soo cute. And Yes, she has the most adorable cheeks, really! I'm so glad to hear she's doing better, I'd been thinking about you and wondering how you were both doing. You're absolutely right about throwing away expectations, I totally understand the feeling of being "robbed" and angry (I was too with my 1st) when things don't go as planned. OMG written words just aren't enough, I'll be thinking of you too and wishing hard. Hang in there...

    ReplyDelete
  6. She is gorgeous! Of course you want her home. How could you feel any other way? I am glad to hear that she will be with you soon. No doubt you will make up for lost time with lots of cuddles and snuggles.

    ReplyDelete
  7. First thanks for keeping us updated, it is truly appreciated. Second, what a gorgeous little lady you've got there. I'm sure that with the dramatic entrance she made into the world that she is going to be quite a handful. It's hard to say the right words in a situation like this but know that you and your lovely daughter are in the thoughts and prayers of many!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Aww, she's adorable! Look at all that hair!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh Liza Jane - my heart goes out to you. Baby Jane is beautiful. Welcome. I will definitely keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers as you work through this and wait to bring her home. g

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh Liza jane, congratulations! on becoming a mother, and I'm sending you a big massive virtual hug right now! I sure have been worrying and waiting this past week for your first post about your baby daughter. She is a beautiful baby and it will be wonderful when she comes home with you, to cuddle and enjoy. Sending lots of love :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh she is really precious! Like Carolyn said its hard to find the words when something like that happens but were are all thinking of you guys. I'm sure it will smart less when shes home with you and it will make it all the more special! Welcome Baby Jane! x

    ReplyDelete
  12. She's adorable, and so sorry it's been such a tough start for you in your new family, but big congratulations, and glad she's doing well. She will be coming home soon, and then you can get going. Well done Mum And Dad! Hello Jane x

    ReplyDelete
  13. She is so cute!! You sound like you already have a good perspective and balance between gratitude and grieving. I have discovered every mother grieves something surrounding the pregnancy/birth/first year process. None of us get exactly what we expected. Whether it be awful pregnancy, unexpected C-section, baby's health, or unsuccessful nursing. I had to process my disappointment, too ;). Glad she will be ok and home soon. Congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Congratulations. She is a real cutie. Try not to worry too much. She'll be home soon and you'll begin to experience all the joys of motherhood.

    ReplyDelete
  15. It is perfectly normal to feel robbed. I too know from experience how you feel. My son was delivered via C-section and immediately got sick. I did not get to see nor breast feed him for his first three days as I was bed ridden. By the time I was allowed to see him, my colostrum had already finished. I felt really awful and extra protective after we left the hospital (4days later).

    But one thing I can say is that you are going to love your angel even more after this. And spoil her rotten. My prayers are with all of you. She is blessed. Keep praying for her even when it seems hard just thank the Lord that he is protecting your angel as He has been before you even got to see her.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Congratulations on your wonderful baby girl! I'm sending my positive energy and thoughts of healing her way.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thank you for the update, you guys have been my thoughts. I'm so glad she is doing better now and will get to come home soon. And those cheeks! Adorable!

    ReplyDelete
  18. The cutest cheeks!! And those magical ears!!

    I am so glad that you and the baby are well and that baby Jane will be home with you soon. She sounds like she has some toughness to her alongside all that cuteness. I'll be so excited to see that at-home pictures and I hope that moment comes soon.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Congratulations, Liza Jane! I'm so sorry that your baby couldn't come home right away with you and I really hope she can leave the hospital very soon! Sending you all the positive thoights I can :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. What an emotional roller coaster for you! Baby Jane is big and beautiful and soon she will be healthy and happy and all yours. Enjoy!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh, lady, I'm so sorry that there's been such a weird, rough start to your time together! You guys are in my thoughts and prayers. Get well soon and hurry home, little girl!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Yes! Cutest cheeks indeed! Congratulations!

    And gosh, what an ordeal..... Hope she heals much soon and come home to her mommy dearest....

    Thanks for letting us know. I was worried about you both.

    Keeping my fingers crossed for speedy recovery...

    ReplyDelete
  23. I cannot imagine how scary that must have been for you! So glad to hear that she's doing well and will be home soon! She is so beautiful--chubby little cheeks are the best! Congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Congratulations on your little cutie! DD had to spend her first two weeks in the NICU. I'm praying for the three of you it'll be over soon and you'll get to hug her 24/7!

    ReplyDelete
  25. This hits very close to home as I just had my little one on the 10th. Life is so unexpected as you pointed out, hope everything goes on the up and up from here on out.

    ReplyDelete
  26. What a beautiful little baby girl. I pray that you'll be able to take her home soon. Life is very challenging and unexpected at times.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Congratulations on your beautiful little girl! I pray that she will come home to you and the hubby soon!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Congratulations and I hope she'll be home soon. I'm really sorry that you had to go through all this and I'll think happy thoughts for your family! You can never cuddle or kiss your baby too much :-)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hi Liza, sorry to hear these things. I hope very much that she´ll be able to go home as soon as possible. I experienced something similar with my first baby, but then it was me who was ill and had to stay at the hospital. Doctors told me they are going to send the baby home without me, and it was the worst nightmare. Luckily it didn´t happen... But we were separated for some time at the hospital.
    I just hope your little girl will recover before you know it and you´ll be at home together and forget all this. Congratulations on your sweet little one and best wishes!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Yes, she does have the cutest cheeks ever !
    Congratulations and welcome to your little treasure.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Congratulations on your beautiful daughter! I hope you can soon take her home with you, and I am glad that she is doing well now.
    It'll be sooo worth the wait! The joy of having her at home soon will ease some of the pain and fright.
    Good luck to the three of you,

    frifris

    ReplyDelete
  32. I'm sorry to hear about her tough beginning. Thank goodness she is doing better. Congratulations to you and your husband. She's adorable! Look at that head hair. Wow.

    Hope you have a wonderful first day when you bring her home!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Congratulations on your new wee girl, she's absolutely gorgeous. Hope she's at home with you soon x

    ReplyDelete
  34. Those ARE the cutest cheeks! Congratulations, she's gorgeous. Sending you positive vibes and hoping you get to take your little girl home very soon. In the meantime, let's be thankful for the wonders of modern medicine that mean Jane is getting the care she needs. She'll be home, happy and healthy in no time xx

    ReplyDelete
  35. first off, congrats on the new baby, she's gorgeous! my first baby got a rough start too. she was jaundiced (usually not a big deal, but something about my husband's and my blood types gave all my babies a really bad case of it) and we went home as usual with some guidelines on what to do. unfortunately her condition was far worse than anyone realized and we had to bring her back in the next day because she was terribly dehydrated and at risk of brain damage. absolutely terrifying! she had to stay an extra three days in the hospital under UV lamps, only holding her for very difficult feedings. at any rate, even though the first days aren't what you had hoped, things will get better and there will be many baby snuggling opportunities. hang in there! sending many hugs and prayers. :)

    ReplyDelete
  36. I was just thinking of you last night..... Baby Jane has THE most edible-looking cheeks ever. I hope you get to eat and nibble and kiss them to your fill. My best thoughts and wishes are coming your way. Xxxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  37. My heart is reaching out for you and your hubby and your baby. These next few weeks will be so special for you all...enjoy them...highs and lows.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I couldn't help tearing up reading this! What an emotional rollercoaster for you guys. But I know that in a few days this gorgeous little thing will be home snuggling with you, and this week will become just one of those war stories that parents have. Do keep us updated. Preferably with close-up pictures of her cheeks. :)

    ReplyDelete
  39. Prayers and love for your sweet, little baby. I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. I hope she's well enough to come home soon. Whatever it is, it's probably fortunate it happened while you were still in the hospital, so she could get the best care ASAP. I cant wait to see more pics of Baby Jane soon.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Oh my what a little cutie! I can't even imagine how you must feel. Having a baby is such an emotional roller coaster at the best of times without throwing in stuff like this. I will be keeping your family in my thoughts and sending positive vibes your way. I hope you get to have your little baby home with you very soon!

    ReplyDelete
  41. OH My! Firstly Congratulations to you both. Baby Jane is adorable. So sorry you had to leave her behind, it feels like having part of your heart missing. I went through something similar for one very long week. I am so glad she will be home with you soon, if she isn't already. Don't worry about 'lost time'. Love is stronger than time or space.Babies know this.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Congratulations on your daughter ... she is adorable ... what a heart wrenching start to motherhood, but all in perspective as you say- she'll be home so soon and this will be a distant memory. All the best on your new journey! :)

    ReplyDelete
  43. Congratulations Liza Jane! She is adorable. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time. My 2nd boy got neonatal meningitis & sepsis and spent some time in NICU. The worse thing was going home without him. It was also very hard as I worked at that hospital and knew what was happening. Scary! Take it easy, accept all forms of help, lower your standards and get through this time. Also, I highly recommend a counsellor who specialises in stressful births and perinatal stress. Excellent for a de-brief! Stay strong lovely.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, yes, yes! Even one conversation with a counselor is like the world being lifted off your shoulders. This is wonderful advice...

      Delete
  44. I've been thinking about you and looking for an announcement post! Congratulations on Sweet Baby Jane, who does have very beautiful cheeks! I can only imagine what these days have been like for you, and I'm so glad to hear that she'll be home soon. I will keep you all in my thoughts!

    ReplyDelete
  45. I hope you soon get plenty of cuddle time and opportunities for her to interrupt your sleep to her heart's content. She's beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Huge congrats on the the cutest baby! I'm certain all will be well in no time and wish you all loads of snuggle time! She's adorable and already has great hair! Hang in there... :)

    ReplyDelete
  47. She is beautiful. And so much hair! Glad things are working themselves out. I hope she can go home soon.

    ReplyDelete
  48. CONGRATS! Yes, those are primo cheeks. So happy things are getting better for her and for you as it gets closer to her coming home.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Liza Jane, congratulations on your beautiful baby girl! As a mom of four, my heart aches for you-- I'm so sorry your precious, brand new baby is sick. You'll all be in my prayers! I'm so glad she'll get to come home soon and get some serious snuggling on. My best to you all!

    ReplyDelete
  50. Congrats on Jane, she's so adorable! So sorry to hear she has to spend time in the NICU, but glad to hear she's doing much better. Wishing all the best for her speedy recovery!!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Best.cheeks.ever. What a terrifying experience for you and your loved ones - am sending good thoughts for a hasty recovery and much deserved homecoming for Baby Jane!

    ReplyDelete
  52. Gosh how terrible for you! I hope she comes home soon and Congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  53. Thanks for letting us know - she is adorable! So sorry for the troubling start, I sincerely hope you´ll get into a more "normal" routine when you get to take her home. Wishing you all the best!

    ReplyDelete
  54. Congratulations! All will work itself out soon!

    ReplyDelete
  55. Oh, she is utterly adorable and scrumptious! What a terrifying start to motherhood, my heart really goes out to you. I'm glad she is getting better though and hope she'll be home with you soon for cuddles on demand! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  56. Congratulations on the birth and arrival of Jane. She is a beauty. I will keep your family in my prayers and look forward to the updates in the future.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Oh my dear - what a rollercoaster! Virtual hugs through the interwebs to all of you :)
    She's beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Amazing cheeks! Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl and big hugs and good wishes on your rollercoaster—hope she comes home very soon!

    ReplyDelete
  59. Oh my goodness, she is the most precious little baby!! Congratulations! I hope she's home soon so you can all heal up and get back to normal together.

    ReplyDelete
  60. I have been checking your blog for the last couple of weeks every day! I'm so glad she's doing ok and she looks fat and happy!! Congrats!! Take care

    ReplyDelete
  61. She's adorable! Hope she is home very soon!

    ReplyDelete
  62. my NICU baby is 18 now. Time flew by. And once he figured out the world wasn't so bad, he thrived, and now the memories are all good of that magic time. It was great to send photos of the almost full term but very sick new baby and the contrast photos of the growing boy as a thank you for his care. Do they have one of those photo walls? Jane is gorgeous, congratulations.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Oh Liza Jane, I can only imagine how frustrating it must have been to you, but I'm sure your baby's gonna be just fine. She'll and grow into a healthy, gorgeous little lady, and you're gonna have all the time you need to cuddle with her as soon as she gets better. I wish her all the best, lots of laughter and happiness through life.

    ReplyDelete
  64. oh, those cheeks are TOO much!!! congrats, and best wishes, to all three of you.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Ahhh what a cutie! I'm sorry to hear she's been sick but so, so glad she can come home soon. Sending good thoughts to you three!

    ReplyDelete
  66. She is beautiful. What a rough start for you all, but great to hear that she will be home soon. Best wishes.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Oh!! She is adorable and I'm so glad she is doing better and you get to bring her to her home soon.

    ReplyDelete
  68. She is so beautiful! Thinking of you all xx

    ReplyDelete
  69. She is so adorable Liza!!! Her cheeks are definitely the cutest. I am sorry you had to go through this experience. I know it is hard to remain positive during a trying time like this, and I am so proud of you!!! You will be such a wonderful mom! Congratulations to the both of you.

    ReplyDelete
  70. welcome, baby jane! and, congrats to you, new mom! i hope she will be home with you soon.. and then kiss those perfect cheeks on my behalf :)

    ReplyDelete
  71. What a beauty! I'm so sorry for your troubles - what a scary thing to have to go through as a new Mom. I hope you and your new family are safe and sound at home now!

    ReplyDelete
  72. They are indeed! I went to see my friend's baby in the SCBU recently. It was the first time I has been there and relate to your feelings. I hope your sweet little girl is on the mend and home with you now. XX

    ReplyDelete
  73. What a beautiful baby girl!!! I'm sending you big hugs from SC right now - I, too, now what that feels like. Mine was in the NICU for 6 weeks. It's so scary when you feel helpless and thankful and oh so very overwhelmed. Take it one moment at a time, and it's okay to feel upset about it. It's okay. Just keeping telling yourself that - and know that we are all thinking of you and your beautiful little miss!

    ReplyDelete
  74. Congratulations. She is so so sweet and adorable. My heart goes out to what you are experiencing at the moment. That said, it will all become a distant blur after you bring her home and shower her with one million kisses and cuddles.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Oh, I'm so sorry! How terrifying! She is so beautiful, though, and hopefully all will be well soon. We've missed you. I guess realizing you're not really in control is an important lesson of parenthood, just wish you hadn't had to learn it like this!

    ReplyDelete
  76. Congratulations on the birth, and I hope you get to spend all your waking and sleeping moments with the little cherub soon. There are always people for whom things went more smoothly, and people who have a harder time with anything in life. It rarely makes our struggles that much easier to deal with, but I hope the whole episode is over with soon xx

    ReplyDelete
  77. What a precious little girl - congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  78. Congratulations on the safe arrival of baby Jane. Wishing her a quick recovery and a smooth homecoming. Thinking of you both.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Congratulations on your beautiful girl! I love the hair! So sorry you had an unexpected journey through NICU. Wishing you both lots of quiet time to recover at home.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Congratulations on her safe arrival and so happy that she decided to come on her own! You avoided a nightmare right there. She's gorgeous, and I'll be thinking of you both as she settles in at home soon.

    ReplyDelete
  81. Congratulations! She is gorgeous. I am so glad she is getting the care she needs. She will be home with you soon.

    ReplyDelete
  82. I am so sorry your little girl is sick but happy she is getting better! I hope she will be home in your arms soon. Best wishes.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Your comment pop up on my phone reminded me that I had to come back and add my congratulations and words of commiseration to this beautiful post. Three of my children were in the NICU, so I reacted so badly to reading about you being separated from your baby I couldn't comment initially. My twins are 6, now and I still get so emotional.

    I know exactly how hard this all is!! And even experiencing it myself, I still don't know what it's like for you, you know? But I do know that babies are SO STRONG!! And that NICU staff are some of the most special people on Earth! She's in such great hands, even if they can't be yours at this time.

    I hope she, and her cute plump cheeks, are home with you super soon!

    ReplyDelete
  84. I'm so behind on my blog reading that I'm just now seeing this. I've been thinking about you, though, knowing she was on the way. I so hope she is in full health now. I saw my brother go through something similar with his baby who was in the NICU with pneumonia the first week of her life. She is a strong, thriving, unstoppable toddler now, that's for sure. Keep us updated and know that we in Sewing Internetland all care so much for you and your family!

    ReplyDelete
  85. Awww she's really cute. I read through your post and feel for you...

    Here's to hoping that she's home in your loving arms by the time you read my comment! :)

    ReplyDelete
  86. I'm just catching up on my reader. I'm sorry to hear about your drama, but I trust this will end up being a tiny blip on a wonderful life. Hopefully things are going well by now. Stay strong and know that the world of internet sewing is supporting you!

    ReplyDelete